I love you darling! No, I did not know, and I was horrified. Some pulling and pushing as wills and desires conflict is normal, and usually ends in a compromise, and elastic band theory dating intimacy can be tricky, but to be deliberately mean is, well, mean. And why would men be keen if women are mean? And this does not sound much like love! Who teaches women this?
Jesse James, Charlie Sheen,WarrenBeatty? Or charming, fun, dazzling, wild, solvent and obvious in their desire to bed you, but not to wed you? Be ice or nice? Run away or into his arms? It depends what she wants. And do nice girls finish last…like the nice guys? And what about bad girls? Do they have more fun? In any event, this advice to women is surely counter-intuitive. Certainly this elastic band advice is strange, and raises questions: Is it all about control issues?
Is this the well-known fear of intimacy, commitment and being tied down? Are men really keener on women who are meaner? Maybe it is all a myth. Are men all masochists and are women all sadists? The popularity of the 50 Shades novels among women and the handcuffs suggests that women are more likely to be aspiring masochists than sadists. Why would women be mean if men are keen? And why would men be ice if women are nice?
Can one elastic band theory dating too nice? Nice does not equal spineless wimp. You have to guard your own self, autonomy and power, or lose yourself and, eventually, your partner. The elastic band theory seems to imply that we should all be mean to each other to keep each other. This is not a happy scene; repulsive actually. This cannot be wise advice. These relationships seem perverse. Weird we knew, but perverse? This is not love.
We know we must have some boundaries, but this elastic band theory seems more about control and neurosis than love, so I think we must reject it as emotionally immature and narcissistic. It seems to describe unhealthy, immature, dysfunctional relationships fraught with negative energies and power struggles. Power struggles within any significant relationship, intimate or otherwise, wreak havoc in that relationship and are indicative of our own narcissism and our need to control the other.
The more we struggle for power within a significant relationship, the more we crave for our wants, needs, and personal goals to take precedence over the feelings, thoughts, and desires of the other. Genuine intimacy requires dialogue, transparency, vulnerability and reciprocity. This would be a partnership centered and grounded in seeking to understand our partner and allowing our partner to know us, being accepting, respectful, elastic band theory dating empathetic.
The ultimate goal in a relationship, sans the power struggle and the elastic band pulling and pushing, is surely to maintain, strengthen and enhance this relationship. Successful intimate relationships are partnerships of equals, characterized by intimacy which evolves through mutual self-disclosure and sincerity, and are based on shared values, wants, needs, and goals. Partners recognize that they have different temperaments, strengths, vulnerabilities, and emotional histories, which can create issues, but still.
In genuine intimate relationships, the partnership genre, differences are appreciated and cherished with partners who are flexible, collaborative, accepting, honest sans the games playing and the controlcompassionate, supportive, fair, equal, reliable, loving. So, do you think that there is any truth in the theory that relationships are all, or mostly, like elastic bands? Too much pulling on an elastic band will eventually break it. If not, what are relationships like?
Or, more prosaically, what have your relationships been like? Free fall parachute drops? Walking a tight rope or the plank? Or all or some of the above, or other? Kindly select your simile, smile or cry, examples will help, and please, do tell. It is rare to find articles like these that encourage people to be genuine. I believe that real love should be like that Very enjoyable read which has a perspective I haven't seen before.
It reminded me that we are all human and we need to open our hearts to be vulnerable and accepting while maintaining healthy boundaries. Thank you for writing it, it definitely benefited me. I'll talk about rubber bands because that was in the title. It seems to make sense, but I'm not a guy so I don't have the need for space John Gray references. But I think Gray only references space as far as the relationship troubles go an other heavy topics. He says that still should try to connect on simple topics and not to take offense if we're shut down.
Easier said than done as Gottman points out based on his research. After significant trouble due to distancing and not sharing true feelings both sides in my marriage, we're now separated and I'm seeking "answers". I saw video of Grays that added another dimension to the rubber band theory, he talks about how men don't like things brought up constantly like when women try to talk to make themselves feel better and we should respect that because it doesn't elastic band theory dating good to be reminded of elastic band theory dating past when you're trying to enjoy the moment and just move forward.
So they can all exist together, particularly if you can ground yourself by choosing to truley understand for your partner. My mother has told me more than once there isn't anything a man appreciates more than a woman who is nice to him. She believes that in relationships and in general, we should all strive to make ourselves a pleasure to be around. I think a person who believes in being mean to their partner is really just afraid to risk extending themselves because it naturally places them in an emotionally vulnerable state, which is when rejection is most devastating.
I know elastic band theory dating I can't have anything which I am not willing to give, so to me the risk is well worth it. My boyfriend cherishes that about me so he returns the favor, and consequently I cherish that in him! Of course we aren't perfect and we both screw up at times sometimes we REALLY screw up but we make it our main priority to always be kind and that in of itself is worth so much.
Did His Rubber Band Break?
Partners recognize that they have different temperaments, strengths, vulnerabilities, and emotional histories, which can create issues, but still. It is neither his fault nor her fault. We all, both men and women, have the potential to withdraw and have periods of not being very emotionally receptive. It's really that simple. The BS Diet Tagged With: